What a Friend to Wait on

Psalm 25 and Psalm 27

We’re approaching 18 months since we packed up our cape in the Great White North (aka the beautiful state of New Hampshire) and made our trek down to the sunny south.

In those 18 months, I’ve really battled understanding what we are doing here while simultaneously loving this area. The seasons. The fruit. The hospitality. It’s all great. But I can’t stop this feeling of, why are we doing life alone.

I can blame it on our constant travel plans, our lack of involvement in the local church, or even, my husband! It’s always easy to point fingers but the truth is, I have always struggled with true friendships. You know, the gritty ones that are an uplifting force to do better. The ones that are endless fountains of grace despite you being deserving. The ones that are predictable – where you can anticipate a response and not walk on eggshells.

I’ve questioned God over and over on if we moved without His go-ahead, if there’s just no place for us here, or if we should be doing something more. And there’s two repetitive messages I hear Him gently whispering …

1) You are to be dependent on Me, first.

2) You are to wait on Me.

“The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭25‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I wrote these two scriptures down on a piece of notebook paper and taped them where I would see them regularly – on a kitchen cabinet, above my coffee maker (which I make frequent visits to) and my kitchen sink. I need the constant reminder of the friendship I have with the Lord, and to wait in His Promises.

Then, this afternoon, I am sitting in the pediatrician’s office for my son’s 4-month-old well visit, when the doctor walked closer towards me in the room and said, “You know, we do really care about your baby. But we also care about you, mama,” as she held another postpartum survey in her hands. But this time, I didn’t have a perfect score.

“It’s a little high this time, don’t you think?” She asked. I knew that something was off and there were feelings that weren’t to be ignored.

I hit a high score of 14, where they said 11 and up would be considered postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. I haven’t been myself. I have been exhausting myself with irrational standards I put on myself – trying to be the best mom for Ryder, the ultimate trophy wife, present friend, yada, yada, yada!

And what I haven’t been making time for? My time with my Savior. And what a Friend He is. We learn His Character through His Word, which never changes. Challenging us in love, and merciful when we least deserve it.

His Word is my coffee-date in this season and worth waiting on. It is reading and breathing and walking in His Word that I will abide in His Friendship, live in His Covenant, and wait on Him in obedience.

And now I see, what else could I need? His Word is bread, water, and life. What else could I need?

“May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works,”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭104‬:‭31‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Take time today to remember His Covenant with us, to rely on His Friendship, and to wait on Him.