2 Corinthians 5

It used to be really complicated to switch from one phone to another. Still is, I guess, depending if you are switching teams (Android/iPhone) but overall has become drastically easier.

Recently my husband and I upgraded our phones, and to update my iPhone to the latest software I needed to clear out some pictures. Which, just thinking about how many pictures I take in a day, made me cringe!

Well, I’m really glad I needed to. I scrolled past the more recent moments – quick snaps of my son’s baby blue eyes, the mundane moments – screenshots of bills to be paid or recipes I found online, and the throwbacks – date night selfies, ones I’ve taken of my husband without him knowing, our old house, etc.

What a perspective shift to be reminded of your past moments and seasons – maybe you were once struggling financially but are finally stable. Maybe you were depressed and now feel free to live in a steadfast joy. For me, I saw glimpses of the beginning of our dating relationship and first few months of marriage.

I was reminded of how much more kindly I spoke to my husband back then, and how I don’t do that so much anymore. I was reminded of the little things that meant the most to us, and now we are craving more and more and not satisfied.

I couldn’t believe how I’ve let myself fall into groaning and ungratefulness. Paul encourages in 2 Corinthians 5 with this truth…

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I have the freedom to repent and walk in newness because of Him, who knew no sin but became sin, so that we can become the righteousness of God. (2 Cor. 5:21)

Isn’t that beautiful? Today I am so grateful that Jesus interceded for us, and does daily, so that I can run from the shame and sin that has bound me and walk in the newness of our righteous Father.

I have to take caution when I am in a season of waiting.

Not necessarily because I am scared of going down the wrong path or making the wrong move, more because I am scared I will acquire a new behavior amid my impatience.

Impatience is an ugly trait. It’s whiny and high-pitched. It can also be mean, and overlook the others surrounding you. Impatience is cruel, not loving, and overall prideful. It acts in its own interest and doesn’t aspire growth, only immediate gratification. So when I become impatient, these are the behaviors that seep out from my core.

It’s like I completely forgot that the scenery is not what fits within the four walls of a frame. It’s where I allow my eyes to seek, and patiently anticipate my view to change.

Growing up, my immediate family lived away from extended family. So me and my two sisters and brother acclimated to fighting over the mini van bucket seats for our 12-hour (or longer!) road trips. Around the same time, the movie “Are We There Yet?” came out and because it was a common phrase in our family on long drives, my parents would jokingly shout it here-and-there to remind us how unreasonable of a question it really was.

If you think about it, why were we asking if we were there yet, if the car was still moving? Isn’t that a sure sign that we have not, in fact, arrived at our final destination?

A lot of times we ask God the “Are we there yet?” question. And like a family on a road trip, it is an annoying, whiny question that is piercing to the ears every time you hear it.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭22‬:‭1‬-‭5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I used to think that seasons of waiting come and go. And I guess, depending on your perspective, they do. But for an impatient Jesus follower, we’re always churning in a endless cycle of what’s next.

As impatient Jesus followers, we are in constant groaning. We either forget or neglect that He is God and that He is in control. As impatient Jesus followers, we cry and cry and forget that He is moving and working even when it doesn’t seem like it. But as a faithful Jesus follower, we just linger on the fact that He is Holy. Oh, how we can rest in those 3 words alone!

He is Holy – and so there is no reason to fret or doubt. For when we cry, He rescues us from the pit. When we pray, He responds. There is no moment that goes by where God is not active and because of that there is no standing moment where fear is justified.

Impatience is an ugly trait because it is not in the image of God. It’s not something He created us to bear, and He thwarts the plans of the impatient and righteously pursues His Good and Pleasing and Perfect Will.

Now, if you’re sitting here thinking you don’t struggle with impatience, here are some synonyms…

• Restlessness
• Frustration
• Agitation
• Nervousness
• Hunger
• Greed
• Longing
• Intolerance
• Exasperation
• Annoyance
• Discontent
• Dissatisfaction
• Aggravation

Do any of these resonate with you?

Are you restlessly waiting, or are you running to Him? We can be still and keep moving if you trust Him.

1 Corinthians 13

I’ve always been one to follow the rules. After all, I did cry my eyes out in grade school when my teacher moved my clothespin to “red light” since I wouldn’t stop talking. In my defense, I had no idea she was trying to get the classes’ attention!

So it’s natural, as a believer, that even though the works-based faith wasn’t taught to me, it came to me naturally because I cared so much about good behavior and following the rules.

It has also been a barrier in relating to others. My ugliest son has been my self-righteousness, and it’s been a thorn in my side when someone confides in me and I struggle to relate to them. I mean, how can I? I’m just trying to live the life God has called me to. Although, the irony is found in the fact that just that one thought has me failing to live the life God has called me to… to love God, and love others. The single most important commandment.

Most know 1 Corinthians 13 for the epitomizing definition of love – it’s even read at non-religious weddings or picked a part and used for controversial political issues. But have you ever studied what Paul says before 1 Corinthians 13:4?

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Twice recently I have been told that I may be fighting for good and God-honoring things, but if they are being put before my God and my love for others than they are no longer good and God-honoring.

But more than that, after being convicted of this in my own life and repenting to the Lord, He has been so faithful to me and showing the fruit in my relationships from loving Him first, others second, and the rest falls in line after.

A lot of times we like to focus on what love IS…

Patient

Rejoices in truth

Kind

Protects

Trusts

Hopes

Yet, what is it not?

It isn’t boastful, envious, or proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, and it is not easily angered or records wrongs. It disgusts me to read these words and realize it is what I have represented as “love” these past several months.

My sweet husband – he is my rock. He reflects Christ in how he is compassionate and merciful. So quick to forgive and gentle in love. I am always amazed by how God designed marriage to reflect His Pursuit of His Church, and easy to see His Love for us through His Word.

If you’ve ever wondered, or like me, need to be reminded, of how God loves us – read what love IS again. We are fully known by Him (vs. 12) and forever pursued (vs. 8). Love never ends.

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Isaiah 43

There is nothing worse than the shame that is chained to our transgressions. It wears us down, shouts a condemning voice, and witholds us from God’s kindness and freeing promises.

I have a vivid memory, while I was in college, laying in bed and replaying a sin I committed over and over again in my head. I was physically trembling. My whole body. I knew I wasn’t cold or over-caffeinated. It was crippling anxiety that enjoyed harping on my mistakes. Of course I wish it never happened. But instead of understanding the power of repentance and the freedom I then walked in, I hid & ran, afraid and ashamed.

It is moments like these where I misplace God and say – this is mine to burden and mine to remember. I carry the heaviness of my mistakes with me as if it is a name tag stamped to my chest.

Hello, my name is I WANT TO PUNCH A HOLE IN THE WALL.

Hello, my name is JEALOUS OF THOSE WHO LIVE THEIR LIVES SO EASILY.

Hello, my name is I SAID SOMETHING REALLY UNKIND AND UNFAIR TO MY HUSBAND.

Hello, my name is CONSTANTLY PUTTING MYSELF BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE.

The anger, the envy, the ugly, and comparing version of myself is not who I was created to be as a Child of God. I know that. I know that it is a distortion of sin that makes me this way and my identity is claimed in Christ. But it all feels heavier and heavier every day. I don’t know how I am supposed to carry it all.

There is a reason why Jesus says to come to Him, and He will give us rest. He carries us along in the yoke as we are weak and weary, and piles our burdens on his back. Even in the Old Testament, when Israel was unfaithful over and over again, God was abundant in mercy. He even says to His People…

““Yet you did not call upon me, O Jacob; but you have been weary of me, O Israel! You have not brought me your sheep for burnt offerings, or honored me with your sacrifices. I have not burdened you with offerings, or wearied you with frankincense. You have not bought me sweet cane with money, or satisfied me with the fat of your sacrifices. But you have burdened me with your sins; you have wearied me with your iniquities.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭22‬-‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Over and over again, the New Testament God is consistent with the Old Testament God. His Character is never changing. Just as He sent His Son to die for you, He says to His people He will forgive their sins and remember them no more.

““I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Why do you think he says, “for my own sake”?

Because more than anything the God of the universe, the Beginning and the End, wants a personal relationship with you. For His sake, due to His Love for us, He wipes clean our transgressions and does not remember them.

Now, it is not only His to carry the burden of our sins but it is in our obedience to lean on Him and move forward in holiness.

If you’re like me, maybe you need that reminder today. That God does not condemn you. He convicts you. He does not shame you. He calls you higher and to holiness. Maybe you need to know that He is led by Love, not acceptance.

And maybe, just maybe, you needed to hear that He does not remember your sins as a child of God. So why should you?

Isaiah 45

Over and over again, even in the Christian community, the message preached is that behavioral change results permanent change. Can you think of one time in your life this may have been true?

For example, do you know how many times I’ve intentionally woken up earlier to exercise, had been consistent for a season, then one morning I got the flu and it shattered my habits? Or when I vowed not to eat dairy ever again and suddenly we are visiting family and drive by my favorite ice cream shop?

You get the picture. Behavioral change does not result in permanent change. We see this several times throughout scripture; through Job, Martha, Peter, David, Moses, Abraham, Esther… the strive for obedience was simply the start of churning the heart to make something more than just lukewarm milk.

Lately, the most common thing told to me is “Oh Peyton, you are putting way too much pressure on yourself.” It’s been hard for me to admit that. To me, I have these responsibilities and they just need to get done. And when they can’t get done, I blame everything on myself and my current circumstances. Every morning I sit and attempt to do devotions, while my mind races around a potential path for my day… I’ll spend 45 minutes feeding Ryder, then he’ll likely want to play a little and I’ll try to finish my devotions, fill up the dishwasher, and flip the laundry. Around that time he will probably get tired and I can answer some emails. I have a meeting at 9 and he will probably wake up to eat again and then after my meeting I’ll run to the post office quick before his next nap time. Over lunch I’ll get a shower, make a smoothie, eat something filling while I catch up on texts and try to vacuum the first floor. I still have to get groceries and dinner for tonight but I’ll try to find time before lunch to put in a pick up order…

If you’re like me, you may already know, that the day never goes down the way I paved it out to. It actually feels like a chaotic mess, like I never fully accomplished anything, and it always so defeating and tormenting. If you’re like me, you aim to pave your path but ultimately have no control over it.

The Lord is our path-paver.

“I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭45‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

We see the kindness of God as he invites us into the freedom of walking where He leads. We see the kindness of God in the grace that comes with not completing our own lists of tasks. We see the kindness of God in the gentle nudges of the Holy Spirit and the enriching change that takes place in our hearts.

Behavioral change is a worldly effort to improve and grow your present circumstances. But it doesn’t justify your poor behavior. And it doesn’t determine your eternity.

True change happens first in the heart, then seeps and spreads into the brain, the eyes, the ears, the tongue… it determines your soul, and it comes from God. He is the path-paver, and He not only leads us to a fuller life, but riches found in eternal matters.

Step out of your own path in faith…

He is calling you by name.

Go before me, Lord. I don’t want to go my own way.

Image credit: Sydney Kerbyson Photography

James 3

I was often asked, when someone learned of where I fell in the sibling order, if I was the peace maker. I was a middle child, but in a family of 4 kids, so was my older sister, Nicole. She was the true peace maker – and as she always says, can “see both sides”.

I was the fiery third. The one that came after the peacemaker, and caused havoc. My mom would say I was her easiest birth, but the hardest child. Peace did not come naturally to me, and I often got in trouble because of what came out of my mouth.

It has always been so frustrating for me, not only because I couldn’t seem to control my tongue but I didn’t even necessarily understand how my tongue was wrong.

James 3 refers to the bits we put in mouths of horses, since we use the mouth to guide the whole body. My mouth often led me astray. What my tongue said, my mind would follow, and I was filled with jealousy and rage.

It grew and grew overtime, until I concluded that my parents favored my siblings and my siblings favored each other. It took me a long time for me to realize that they liked did turn from me, but because over time, the ugliness in my heart really wore on them. It wasn’t presumptions or misconceptions. It was the truth. My tongue, as James puts it, was a “restless evil, a deadly poison” (vs. 8). And overtime, I knew that if I couldn’t get control of my tongue I would slowly destroy all of the relationships in my life.

““Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12‬:‭33‬-‭34‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Soon enough I began to realize that it was not a tongue issue, but a heart issue. For James even says…

“For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue…”
‭‭James‬ ‭3‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It was not in my power to control the tongue. There was literally nothing I could do, but rely on the Holy Spirit. Tongue taming takes two. He would change me from the inside-out, and I would begin to see that heart change beginning with what came out of my mouth.

Today, I still struggle a lot with what I say or how I say things. But one of the biggest things I have found that has helped is writing. Because if I write down what I would say, I can quickly hear the yuck inside and repent and ask for forgiveness. Only God in His kindness decides to reveal my yuck in such a private way and spares me from embarrassment.

He has used my words to change my heart to change my words, and it has been such a beautiful process to witness and be apart of.

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.”
‭‭James‬ ‭3‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Repent, and trust that the Holy Spirit will begin molding you in a whole new way to make peace with your past and sew a harvest of righteousness.

Psalm 25 and Psalm 27

We’re approaching 18 months since we packed up our cape in the Great White North (aka the beautiful state of New Hampshire) and made our trek down to the sunny south.

In those 18 months, I’ve really battled understanding what we are doing here while simultaneously loving this area. The seasons. The fruit. The hospitality. It’s all great. But I can’t stop this feeling of, why are we doing life alone.

I can blame it on our constant travel plans, our lack of involvement in the local church, or even, my husband! It’s always easy to point fingers but the truth is, I have always struggled with true friendships. You know, the gritty ones that are an uplifting force to do better. The ones that are endless fountains of grace despite you being deserving. The ones that are predictable – where you can anticipate a response and not walk on eggshells.

I’ve questioned God over and over on if we moved without His go-ahead, if there’s just no place for us here, or if we should be doing something more. And there’s two repetitive messages I hear Him gently whispering …

1) You are to be dependent on Me, first.

2) You are to wait on Me.

“The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭25‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I wrote these two scriptures down on a piece of notebook paper and taped them where I would see them regularly – on a kitchen cabinet, above my coffee maker (which I make frequent visits to) and my kitchen sink. I need the constant reminder of the friendship I have with the Lord, and to wait in His Promises.

Then, this afternoon, I am sitting in the pediatrician’s office for my son’s 4-month-old well visit, when the doctor walked closer towards me in the room and said, “You know, we do really care about your baby. But we also care about you, mama,” as she held another postpartum survey in her hands. But this time, I didn’t have a perfect score.

“It’s a little high this time, don’t you think?” She asked. I knew that something was off and there were feelings that weren’t to be ignored.

I hit a high score of 14, where they said 11 and up would be considered postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. I haven’t been myself. I have been exhausting myself with irrational standards I put on myself – trying to be the best mom for Ryder, the ultimate trophy wife, present friend, yada, yada, yada!

And what I haven’t been making time for? My time with my Savior. And what a Friend He is. We learn His Character through His Word, which never changes. Challenging us in love, and merciful when we least deserve it.

His Word is my coffee-date in this season and worth waiting on. It is reading and breathing and walking in His Word that I will abide in His Friendship, live in His Covenant, and wait on Him in obedience.

And now I see, what else could I need? His Word is bread, water, and life. What else could I need?

“May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works,”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭104‬:‭31‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Take time today to remember His Covenant with us, to rely on His Friendship, and to wait on Him.

Romans 14

My parents put us kids in public school growing up, which is something they’d say they never regret. And us kids, too, had a really positive experience.

There seems to be two outlooks, as Christians, for the choice of school; whether it’s private, public, or homeschool. Either you feel God’s calling and conviction for your kid to be a light in that school, where you pray they’ll be a good influence and create more followers of Jesus.

Or you’re protecting your children, keeping them safe and secure from the Sodoms of this world. Either way, these parents are following God’s calling and conviction for their lives.

Have you noticed how difficult it is to appreciate, or even understand, someone else’s conviction?

Paul knew this, which is why he wrote to the Romans:

“Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭14‬:‭4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

My older sister, Nicole, seems to really excel at this. While most of us have a fiery passion fueling our own opinions, she has always entered every conversation, with no partiality. She could be the expert on a subject or hold strong convictions but you wouldn’t have any idea. How refreshing it is, to have someone to trust to walk with you, in love, for where you are at.

And that’s the beautiful thing about what Paul is saying here, not that everyone’s convictions are right, but that even if you are stronger in your faith and someone else is weaker, it is not beneficial to force them into your own convictions, “Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭14‬:‭18‬-‭19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I really struggle with understanding how God could lead me to conclude one thing, so undeniably, as if it is written out in the Word itself, yet someone else moved in a completely different direction.

But the key is that the Holy Spirit is personal. He is not just some point-blank conscience for us to obey and pursue. He is unique and individual to each and every one of us.

I don’t know about you, but Romans 14 really did a number on me this morning. It’s taught me to stop spending so much time concerned with the convictions of others, and just trust that God is working on their heart, too. It may just look different than it does to me, and thank God for that. He knows better than I do.

“The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭14‬:‭22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Genesis 15

If you were to visit me in the town we live in, it’s possible that you’d take a neighborhood walk with my husband and I. We’d likely make a grocery run together, you’ll watch me apologize to the neighbors for my dog crossing into their yard, and possibly attend church Sunday morning with us. If you were driving around with me, I could get anywhere in town without my GPS, and while it is new for you, it wouldn’t seem new to me.

It’s familiar to me, is what it is. It is familiar, but, what if I told you, my feet feel grounded but not planted?

After church, my husband and I joined each other on our front porch and sat on the rockers, basking in the weather. He asked me the question, “Do you like it here?”

It caught me off guard, of course. I mean, of course I like it here, I thought. If I didn’t like it, wouldn’t I be miserable? As I proceeded to answer that question, I couldn’t seem to avoid the word, but. And the “Yes, but…” or the “I like it, but…” meant there must’ve have been something about it here that did not satisfy me.

I feel grounded – in other words, I feel the dirt between my toes and blades of cut grass tickle my feet. But I don’t feel the worms squirm, the roots dig in, or the rain water nourish the soil. I don’t feel the Sun change where my leaves face, and when the wind comes, it knocks me over as if I’m just an empty plastic pot in the yard. I’m not planted, I’m grounded, and it doesn’t quite feel like this is where I’m supposed to be.

I wonder if this is how Abraham felt when he reached the land of Canaan. Though the Lord came to Abram in a dream, saying, “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great,” it still must’ve felt very lonely. Childless, now fatherless, Abram called out to God, “Behold, you have given me no offspring. A member of my household will be my heir.” And God brought him outside and said to him, “Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them… So shall your offspring be.” (verses 1-5)

Abram was grounded in Canaan, but the Lord told him to plant roots. Even though he did not see what God had planned for him, he was obedient.

One of my favorite verses, tattooed on my arm, is Hebrews 11:8-10…

“By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.”
‭‭

And so today, as I am humbled by these words yet again, hear God asking me, “Are you scared to see where I will take you if you are obedient to me?”

Now, back to my husband’s question – do you like it here?

I like it here, but I don’t like waiting on what God has for us here. I don’t like waiting for His Will to show itself. I don’t like feeling disconnected and I don’t like questioning whether or not this is home.

The reality is, God had led us here. It’s evident in so many confirmations by the Spirit when He led us here, and it’s my choice to step forward in obedience.

Lord, today, I am surrendering my idea of Home for Yours. I’m praying you lead my husband and I, unified, to your “Promised Land” for us and bring about community in a whole new way. Lord, I pray that you give me the desire to pray continuously and rely fully on Your Spirit for discernment and responding to the nudges within me. Thank You Lord, for your kindness and patience for us to respond in faith. Help me to go, without knowing where I am going, simply as an act of obedience to You.

So now I will ask you… Are you scared to see where He will take you if you are obedient to Him?