Tongue Taming Takes Two

James 3

I was often asked, when someone learned of where I fell in the sibling order, if I was the peace maker. I was a middle child, but in a family of 4 kids, so was my older sister, Nicole. She was the true peace maker – and as she always says, can “see both sides”.

I was the fiery third. The one that came after the peacemaker, and caused havoc. My mom would say I was her easiest birth, but the hardest child. Peace did not come naturally to me, and I often got in trouble because of what came out of my mouth.

It has always been so frustrating for me, not only because I couldn’t seem to control my tongue but I didn’t even necessarily understand how my tongue was wrong.

James 3 refers to the bits we put in mouths of horses, since we use the mouth to guide the whole body. My mouth often led me astray. What my tongue said, my mind would follow, and I was filled with jealousy and rage.

It grew and grew overtime, until I concluded that my parents favored my siblings and my siblings favored each other. It took me a long time for me to realize that they liked did turn from me, but because over time, the ugliness in my heart really wore on them. It wasn’t presumptions or misconceptions. It was the truth. My tongue, as James puts it, was a “restless evil, a deadly poison” (vs. 8). And overtime, I knew that if I couldn’t get control of my tongue I would slowly destroy all of the relationships in my life.

““Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12‬:‭33‬-‭34‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Soon enough I began to realize that it was not a tongue issue, but a heart issue. For James even says…

“For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue…”
‭‭James‬ ‭3‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It was not in my power to control the tongue. There was literally nothing I could do, but rely on the Holy Spirit. Tongue taming takes two. He would change me from the inside-out, and I would begin to see that heart change beginning with what came out of my mouth.

Today, I still struggle a lot with what I say or how I say things. But one of the biggest things I have found that has helped is writing. Because if I write down what I would say, I can quickly hear the yuck inside and repent and ask for forgiveness. Only God in His kindness decides to reveal my yuck in such a private way and spares me from embarrassment.

He has used my words to change my heart to change my words, and it has been such a beautiful process to witness and be apart of.

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.”
‭‭James‬ ‭3‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Repent, and trust that the Holy Spirit will begin molding you in a whole new way to make peace with your past and sew a harvest of righteousness.